Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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