every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
