I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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