Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
