at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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