Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I looked at my own cervix.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
