Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
