The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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