I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the raccoons are back...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize