I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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