and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
