You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
