"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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