There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
