Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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