Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am naked and annoyed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
