you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to be your penis for a week.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
