You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
