I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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