you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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