No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You can't special order awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
