You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize