just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
