I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
