Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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