just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
