we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
