just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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