You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize