In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
