Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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