If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have post one night stand depression
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