well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
