I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
