i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
