bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
