Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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