I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
