So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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