i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
