Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
