The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
