Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
