At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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