end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
