:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
