Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
