morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
