I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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