Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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