I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
