the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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