can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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