I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
