I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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