guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
