This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
