So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
