If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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