I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
