guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
