I love black thongs
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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