Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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