I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize