the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
