I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
