meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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