I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
