so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
