I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
