I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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