420 ftw
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
