dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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