I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
