We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
