oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
