bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want nice things and good sex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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