another moral hangover. fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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