did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
