ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize