...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize