So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
